I am experiencing an identity crisis. No I'm not being dramatic, this is simply what I am going through and just here to tell it. Google defines an identity crisis as questioning your sense of self or identity and as a period of uncertainty or confusion in a person's life. That's exactly what I am feeling right now.

It started when I lost my uncle in 2020. Before he passed, I felt fine. I was on the path to becoming a Primary Care Physician, majoring in biology, and working on Clean Beauty in the meantime. I remember slamming my computer shut the week after he passed from being exhausted with emotions and still having to work on dreams that I didn't believe were necessarily mine. This is where the confusion started because I had no clue what I wanted to do and still have no clue. 

I continued with Clean Beauty but dropped out of school for the time being. Growing up, I was an honor roll student so not excelling in school wasn't normal for me but then my new normal turned into failing an entire semester of classes... so I wasn't sure about school.

Then I decided to go back to school and start doing hair which really sent me into a loop. Was I supposed to continue school or drop out and go to cosmetology school? Questions, questions, questions.

So here we are. I have no clue what I am doing right now lol. I am simply winging it. Going through a major identity crisis while I am in school, running both of my businesses (Denise Beauty and Clean Beauty), and working on myself. I have no clue who or what I am. I struggle with making decisions daily and I feel like the roles I have inquired does not fit with who I used to be and now I am struggling to find balance within it all. Writing this blog is even hard for me because my brain is telling me to keep going while another part is telling me it doesn't make sense. If you have any idea, what this is that I am going through, feel free to share because it is pretty hard to explain to other entrepreneurs.

One thing I have found to be good in my life so far is Christ. Without him, who knows where I would be at this point. I started following a bible verse study called, Controlling our Emotions. I'll include it here. 

I try to keep up with it daily to bring some form of balance and love to my life during this difficult time. It's been helping a lot with the emotions I feel. Writing helps me cope so this blog post has helped in some form. Even though, I feel like I was pretty surface level with how I feel and couldn't break down the wall to get deeper with you all but that comes with time and feeling comfortable with blogging. 

I pray that the season I am in shows me the lesson is supposed to teach me soon because not knowing yourself is a difficult feeling and emotion to process. 

I always leave updates at the end of my blogs for those who do they stay up to date with me. Currently, I am on a hiatus from Clean Beauty and Denise Beauty. I am not posting or liking any pictures, I am simply living and enjoying life. I am trying to work on relaxing more which in the last year, I have struggled with a lot. Yall... I don't know how to relax. My mind tells me to work, work, work, and stay busy but I am getting to a point where I need to relax my mind, body, and soul and it's hard to do that. So I am challenging myself to let go of something that isn't serving me in this season and pick up something that is. Feel free to do the same if you would like. 

Clean Beauty and Denise Beauty is on a hiatus while I am focusing on school. I also will be picking up meditation and Yoga during this time to connect more with my soul and spirit. I did Yoga yesterday at a self-love event and truly loved every minute of it. I also been tapping in to my creative side more too by using and decorating my Notion Workspace which I recommend to any entrepreneur who needs a digital workspace. It's pretty dope.

I'm ending this blog on a good note that everything shall pass and today's verse was Proverbs 3:5-6.

"Trust in the lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways submit to him and he will make your paths straight."

Have a great Thursday ❤️

Love, Lani ✨